


The Perils and Benefits of Cross Story Dating

by anarchycox



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Fables (Willingham) - All Media Types
Genre: Banter, Bickering, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Fluff, M/M, Minor Angst, just a random collection of scenes, non linear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 16:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11166072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Sometimes you make people ship things. And sometimes they make you ship it.In this case a friend put the idea of Bigby Wolf and Phil Coulson into my head and I had to write it to see if I could, to see what would happen.Just a series of scenes from a unique relationship.





	The Perils and Benefits of Cross Story Dating

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StudioCapsicum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StudioCapsicum/gifts).



“How did you get in here?” Bigby stared at the woman.

“Snow White let me in, charming woman,” she said. She laughed the way all humans do when they think they are clever.

“She wouldn’t let a mortal in,” Bigby kept the door open. “So how about you leave before she finds you.”

“Snow White has decided that Coulson’s team is the one exception after everything that happened. We have laminated passes.”

“Miss -”

“Doctor,” Jemma corrected.

“Doctor,” Bigby agreed. He sat down behind his desk and lit a cigarette. “Now what do you want? Make it quick, I’m busy.”

“That is what I am here to talk about,” she said point at his hand. 

Bigby looked down and sure the claws were a little long because he was annoyed. “Phil likes the claws.”

Jemma looked appalled. “I need to give him another rabies shot,” she muttered.

Bigby growled and leaned forward at that crack.

“Your smoking,” she said quickly but not backing away. “You need to stop.”

“Not like it is going to kill me,” Bigby shrugged.

“But it would Phil.”

Bigby frowned. He looked at the cigarette in his hand. “Huh?”

“Don’t you pay attention to the world at all?” Jemma chided.

“Not unless I have to. I smell too many things, Doctor Simmons,” Bigby said. “You finished your period two days ago, had sex this morning, a sesame seed bagel for breakfast. And performed experiments with...arsenic sometime in the last week.” Bigby looked at her. “And that is with the smoke blocking out a fair bit. If I don’t smoke I’m overwhelmed. Especially now spending a lot more time with all of you.”

“It will make Phil sick. Secondhand smoke is really bad, toxic,” Jemma explained. “Look it up. He won’t complain, because I’m guessing he knows what you told me. But you could give him cancer.”

Bigby frowned but didn’t say anything. Jemma left a few pamphlets on his desk and walked out. He ignored them for a while and then began to read.

Fuck, humans were so goddamn fragile. What a pain in the ass.

When Phil came over that night, Bigby smoked on the balcony.

**************************************************

“I thought you were going to shave?” Phil asked after Bigby opened the door.

“I did,” Bigby scratched his cheek, which already had a five o’clock shadow. 

“This morning?” Phil asked. He reached out and straightened Bigby’s tie, knowing that it would be crooked before they got out of the car.

“An hour ago,” Bigby replied. He pulled Phil’s hands away. “If you wanted someone pretty, you should have gone for Prince Charming.”

“Not a fan of identity theft and and fraud,” Phil smiled and scraped a nail down Bigby’s cheek. “And you are plenty pretty.”

Colin snorted for his chair. “Right, he smells like flowers and his smile is like the sun.”

Bigby growled and reached for a cigarette and then put it quickly away remembering Jemma’s orders not to smoke around Phil. He could smell the nerves on Phil, the sandwich he had eaten at lunch, but not the aftershave that had made him sneeze. He also could smell himself on Phil, just a whiff, even though they hadn’t seen each other in four days.

“I’m not smiling at this shindig,” Bigby warned.

“I will settle for frown number 3,” Phil said. “The I am mildly displeased or maybe just constipated frown.” He touched the stubble again. “Really, an hour ago?”

Bigby nodded and absolutely did not lean into the touch.

“Weird,” Phil said. “We’ll be late for the party.”

Bigby crowded him a bit. “Sure you don’t want to be even later?” He nuzzled Phil, scraped that stubble against his cheek.

Phil smiled. “Tell you what, you behave, after I’ll give you a shave and we’ll see if I can feel it grow in while you are occupied with other tasks.” 

Bigby even managed to smile once at the party.

********************************************

“I’ve had the shovel talk before you know,” Phil sat in his office and stared at the woman with the very large sword. “How did you get that past security?”

“Your second in command was amused by it,” Snow White said calmly. “Now then what are your intentions with my sheriff?”

Phil leaned back in his chair. “Your sheriff?”

Snow crossed her legs. “Yes, mine. You are a blip for him you know. A mortal life, him dating you, waiting for you to die isn’t really much time to him. But what are you after?”

“Good hands and a hard fuck,” he said annoyed. In a blink the sword was resting against his throat. “He was right about your lack of humour.”

“Say something funny and I’ll laugh,” Snow replied. “Now what are you doing with him?”

“Dating him,” Phil said.

“He doesn’t date.”

“He dates me,” Phil was annoyed. “Look it isn’t my fault our worlds intersected and we ended up working together, but we did and we had fun. He didn’t take my shit, and I didn’t take his. And we went out for drinks and had a good time and a better one in bed and we both thought that was it. Only I saw this stupid big bag wolf toy and sent it to him and just...here we are,” Phil said. “Neither of us likes dating civilians so to speak, and our internal communities are a little -”

“Incestuous?”

“Something like that.”

“He isn’t as tough and growly as he seems,” Snow said.

“Yes he is. Under his pissed off exterior is a pissed off interior,” Phil shrugged and realized that was a bad idea with the sword so close to his neck. He sat very still.

“Way deep down...way deep...Marianas Trench deep, there is a soft core,” she said. “Probably,” was added after Phil gave her a look.  “He believes in you. And when that happens his loyalty is unwavering. Do you have any comprehension what that means?”

“Not really,” Phil admitted. He knew that Bigby sometimes looked at him when he thought Phil couldn't see, like Phil mattered more than anything else Bigby had seen or done in hundreds of years of existence. It was terrifying and humbling.

“Break his heart, and I’ll break your spine,” she moved the sword away from his neck.

“Understood. Care to stay for lunch? We have apple pie,” Phil smirked a little, hiding his relief that the sword had somehow disappeared.

“Christ, no wonder he likes you,” she muttered and stalked out.

*******************************************

Phil was sure nothing could phase him anymore and then Bigby took him to the Farm.

“That’s a giant,” he said pointing. “A sleeping giant.”

“Yeah,” Bigby nodded to a couple people and kept them moving. “Don’t stare.”

“How you do you not stare at the foot of a sleeping giant?”

“Just you know, don’t stare?” Bigby asked.

Phil couldn’t stop staring though, not at the giant, not at the creatures he was seeing. He tried to play cool, but when he was excited he never managed that at all. “So why are we here if I’m not allowed to look around. And holy shit is that a flying carpet?”

Bigby groaned, he hadn’t expected the cool as ice agent to be like this. Daisy had warned him that Phil was a dork, but he hadn’t quite believed it. He should have.

“Will I destroy your reputation if I do selfies with a few people here?” Phil whispered to Bigby.

“Fucking mortals,” Bigby muttered. He dragged Phil along until they were in a field, the lake to their left and well hidden away from the main area. It was his spot at the farm, only a few dared to cross into the unmarked borders.

Phil bent down and picked a flower. “Pretty,” he said. He held it out to Bigby. He looked around. It was a beautiful spot. “We should have brought a picnic basket.” He heard a noise behind him and turned and in instinct pulled a gun out. “Motherfucker,” he shouted. He saw heartbreak in the wolf’s eyes before he growled and snarled. Phil held up his hands in a gesture of peace and put the gun away.

The wolf was terrifying, beautiful in its monstrosity. He was bigger than Phil had expected. During their case together he had seen Bigby in his half form, but this was something else altogether. He approached slowly, holding out a hand. Bigby snarled and snapped at it, but Phil saw him stop a few inches away.

“Our jobs, you really should warn a guy,” Phil said. He waited while Bigby smelled his hand. He could wait as long as he had to, to make up for his first reaction. “I’m sorry,” he said.  

Bigby headbutted his chest a little and Phil took that as permission and sunk his fingers into the fur. He knew the man would be warm, Bigby always ran warm. But he never thought the fur would be so soft, luxuriant. He honestly thought it would be rough, prickly.

Just like Bigby.

Phil wrapped his arms around Bigby and hugged tight, and god the fur felt even softer against his cheek. “Jesus you would be the best pillow ever like this,” Phil said.

Bigby growled a little and knocked Phil down.

Phil looked at the huge wolf looming over him, teeth bared and wasn’t scared at all. “Silly puppy, come here.”

Bigby managed to look indignant and deliberately dropped his weight on Phil who groaned and swore. It was a lot of weight. Bigby rolled off and lay on the grass. Phil moved so they formed a T. He could feel Bigby’s heart. He yawned.

“Thank you for showing me,” Phil said, staring at the sky. “I like it.” He had a horrible thought. “You don’t ever want to fuck like this do you? Because - no. Bad wolf if you have had that thought.”

The torso under him rumbled and Phil realized the wolf was laughing at him. “Shut up. I wanna nap,” Phil said and shortly after drifted off.

*********************************

Melinda was driving them home.

“Please don’t tell the team I lost all my money to you and a talking pig,” Phil said morosely.

“Told you, you have the worst tells. I like Colin,” she said.

“He’s a pig. I should be able to beat a pig.”

“Not the way you play.”

**********************************

Bigby was gripping the armrests tight enough he could feel the metal cave in a little bit. “I need to smoke,” he said.

“Not until May gives the all clear,” Phil said. “You don’t like flying?”

“Nope,” Bigby said. The second May gave them permission to move, Bigby stood up the seatbelt just ripping away and he stalked as far away as he could from Phil and lit a cigarette. He could hear Phil following. “Stay away, second hand smoke,” he said.

“Jemma’s lectures really stuck with you,” Phil leaned against the wall.

“She sends a lot of emails about the things I do wrong for your health.” Bigby looked at him. “I’m bad for your health.”

“So is my job, and my love of salt on my eggs,” Phil said. “You are like the fourth worst thing for my health.”

“You’re going to die,” Bigby said.

“I am,” Phil agreed.

“I’m not.”

“No.”

Bigby frowned and let the cigarette burn down. “Fucking humans.”

“Fucking immortal fairy tale characters,” Phil countered. “Going to dump me Wolf?”

Bigby looked at him. “Not until after prom.”

Phil grinned at him. “Is that what we’re calling this mission?”

“Nope, when we reach prom, I’ll let you know,” Bigby moved closer. “Think it is a while away yet.”

“Good.” Phil let Bigby crowd him against the wall.

Bigby breathed in the scent of Phil. He wanted their end to be really far away.

Time was so quick for humans.

He wondered if he could slow it down, just a little.

He'd ask Snow.

*********************************

“Hey Coulson, nice set of marks you are sporting,” Daisy pointed at his neck. “Do you ever play little red riding hood?”

“No,” Phil didn’t look up from the report he was reading.

“I bet there is a picnic basket somewhere in your quarters.”

“You’d lose,” Phil said calmly.

Jemma came in a strop. “We agreed he would stop biting you.” She checked the marks and rubbed some antiseptic on them.

“You agreed,” Phil pouted. May walked by. “Help me!” he shouted.

“No,” May said and kept walking.

“Sir, why are you wearing red socks?” Jemma asked.

“Oh my god! I’m telling everyone,” Daisy bolted from the room laughing.

“Ahh, a kink thing,” Jemma said wisely.

“Just clean the wound.” Phil slumped in the chair. “I bit him too, you know.”

“Yes, I’m sure the big bad wolf was gravely injured.” She put a bandage on the bite and gave him a shoulder pat.

**************************************

“My boyfriend is going to hurt you,” Phil slurred. He hated being tortured. His shoulder was screaming where they pulled out the tracker.

“No one is going to find you. We are a thousand miles from where we took you,” the man sneered and hit him again. “Tell us what SHIELD is planning.”

Phil began to hum a little.

The goons paused. “What is that song?” one asked.

“Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?” he sang and spat out some blood.

“He’s delusional, put him in a cell.”

An hour later Phil heard some gunfire and a roar that almost shook the building. He smiled. Looked like the building was going to be blown down.

***************************************

“I screwed up,” Bigby said.

Snow, May, Daisy, Rose Red, all looked at him and nodded.

“Birthdays don’t matter to us. Fuck like I even know when mine is,” Bigby grumbled.

“They matter to us. When you don’t have hundreds of years, they are kind of a big deal,” Daisy explained. “And when he asked if you wanted to go to that show with him and dinner after you said, and I quote  _ the play where those idiots sing about love and shit and are either going to be fake happy ever after or dead at the end, and then food at a restaurant where I can smell the unresolved sexual tension and past its date meat no thanks. How ‘bout hot wings and blow jobs at my place _ .”

Snow had already looked pissed and had moved into livid. “Phil has a perfect filing system.”

“You do too,” Bigby said. He should know, she lectured him about it often enough.

“Not like his,” she snarled and slammed her hands on his desk. “And he was going to show it to me and now he is too busy to come over. Fix this, or I’ll fix you like the cheap mutt you are.”

May handed him a box. “It was decided you were incapable of buying a proper apology/birthday gift. Now go and grovel.”

“I don’t grovel. Red help me out,” Bigby begged.

“Hell no, this is the best show ever,” Red grinned. “I vote let him top though.”

“He usually does,” Bigby said without thinking. 

“Really,” all the women said in unison a mix of interest, surprise, and disbelief rolled together.

“Huh, thought you’d be all alpha blah blah blah,” Daisy said.

“I’m leaving now,” Bigby grabbed the gift from Melinda and stalked out of his office with what little dignity he had left.

Phil looked sad when he opened his door. Bigby didn’t like that that was his fault.

“We can go see a shitty play where they sing and dance,” Bigby thrust the box at Phil. “Or we could go somewhere we could actually dance. I’m okay with that. I don’t mind dancing.”

“Learn something new every day,” Phil said with a small smile. “Melinda pick this out?”

Bigby thought about lying for a second. “Of course she did, would you trust me in a store?”

Phil opened his door wide. “Want a beer and a blow job?”

**************************************

He fought against the chains exhausted. He snarled and bit and got nowhere. Fucking witches. 

There was a blast of light and the woman who was about to sacrifice him for a spell was gone. He looked over and there was Phil holding a giant gun and his classic I’m a secret agent black suit.

Phil walked over. “It worked on a god, so figured it would work on...was that the witch from Hansel and Gretel?”

Bigby howled.

“I’m getting you out. Silly puppy, letting a witch trick you like that,” Phil said as he worked the chains free. He had to drop the gun when Bigby launched himself at him. Phil scratched behind his ears and Bigby licked his neck. “Come on, let’s get you home. Colin is really worried about you.” Phil paused. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Bigby sort of nodded.

“I was scared and pissed, but figured you would be okay no matter what. It is kind of nice to be dating someone really hard to get rid of. I’m glad you are a bad penny.”

Bigby huffed at that, but understood. 

*****************************************

“Must you eat bacon in front of me?” Colin asked Phil sharply.

Phil looked at him in horror and then down at his sandwich. “Oh my god, I am so sorry. I can’t believe I didn’t. I mean, I just -”

Colin snorted and his laughter was a squeal. “Hah, told Bigby that’d be hilarious.”

Phil still couldn’t finish the sandwich though.

******************************************

“I barely fit in the car Phil,” Bigby said.

“But you fit,” Phil smiled. “Come on, let’s go for a ride.”

“To where? I have Snow on my ass about Farm people showing up in the city, you have the world council on your ass about something that blew up, I have only had 10 cigarettes today, and your arm is clearly hurting where the hand connects. So really, where are we going?” 

“Anywhere,” Phil said. “The Big Bad Wolf, scared of an adventure?”

“I can handle anything you dish out,” Bigby grumbled. “Like it’s anything I haven’t seen before.”

“Who knows maybe I’ll surprise you,” Phil scraped his nails against Bigby’s stubble. 

Bigby realized how used to that gesture he had gotten, how he craved it when they went a few weeks without seeing each other.

“I’m glad that ex SHIELD agent went nuts on drugs and tried to kill a whole bunch of my people,” Bigby said abruptly.

Phil laughed and started to drive. He knew what Bigby was saying. “I love you too, silly puppy.”


End file.
